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Address:First Baptist Church, Ashland
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Sermon for Sunday, May 11, 2008
“Family Matters – Being a Blessing Giver”
Genesis 27:30-38
“Please say you love me, please!” Brian’s words trailed off into tears as he leaned over the still form of his father. It was late night in a large, city hospital. The silence was deafening. Brian had flown nearly halfway across the country to be at his father’s side in one last attempt to reconcile years of misunderstanding and resentment. For years Brian had been searching for his father’s acceptance and approval but they had always seemed just out of reach.
His dad had been a career Marine. His sole desire for Brian was to follow in his footsteps. So his dad took every opportunity to drill into his son the discipline and backbone he would need to one day be an officer. Words of love and tenderness were forbidden. Physical affection was out of the question. Brian was forced by his dad to do sports and take classes that would best equip him to be an officer. His only praise for scoring a touchdown or excelling in class was a lecture on how to do it better.
After graduation, Brian enlisted in the Marine Corps. It was the happiest day of his father’s life. The joy, however, was short-lived. Because of repeated attitude problems and disrespect for order, his son was on report. After weeks of such reports and a fight with a drill instructor, Brian was dishonorable discharged.
That was the last straw for his dad. He was no longer welcome in his father’s home. For years there was no contact between them. In that time, Brian struggled with feelings of inferiority. He was intelligent, but worked at jobs far beneath his abilities. Three times he was engaged. But each time, he broke off the engagement just before the wedding. He couldn’t believe another person could really love him.
Desperate, Brian began counseling. In therapy, he came to see how his present problems had history going back to his childhood. Then out of the blue, Brian’s mom called to say his dad was dying of a heart attack.
By the time he reached the hospital his dad had slipped into a coma and the words that Brian longed to hear would no longer be able to be spoken. His father died without regaining consciousness. “Dad, please wake up!” “Please say you love me, please.” Heart wrenching words from a broken hearted man not only because he had lost his father, but also because he lost any chance for his father’s blessing.
Brian’s desperate attempt to get his father’s blessing is described in a book appropriately titled, “The Blessing.” The thesis of the book is this:
“No matter your age, the approval of your parents affects how you view yourself and your ability to pass that approval along to your children, spouse and friends. Many people spend a lifetime looking for this acceptance the Bible calls…the blessing.
There is no better proof for this thesis than Jacob. You will recall that Jacob and his twin brother, Esau, were born to Isaac and his wife, Rebekah. Esau was born first, and Jacob, second, but only moments apart as Jacob was born with his hand holding on to Esau’s heel. Jacob was named Jacob because his name means “One who takes by the heel.” And that is where Jacob stayed much of his early life—right on Esau’s heels.
From the beginning Esau was his father’s favorite. He grew up to be an outdoorsman like his father. Jacob liked to hang around the tent and do domestic chores. He was his mother’s favorite.
Last week we read how Jacob conned Esau out of his birthright; the privilege normally given to the first born who was then given the rule of the family and control of the estate after the death of the father.
And then with the help of his mother, Jacob did something more devastating to Esau—he stole his blessing.
In the Old Testament, every child looked forward to the precious gift of approval from his/her father. With that blessing came a new sense of identity and significance that remained for life.
Disguising himself as Esau, Jacob received the beautiful blessing intended for Esau by his nearly blind father. When Esau discovered this deception, he begged his father for a blessing: “Do you have only one blessing, my father?” (v. 38) And yet, there were no more first born blessings to give. Scripture says “Esau wept.” Why? Because like all of us, Esau was desperate for his parent’s blessing. The story of Jacob’s life in general shows how powerful the dynamic of a blessing works in our lives. Gary Smalley’s and John Trent’s book, “The Blessing,” helps us to see how families can bless one another.
Please know that today these words can certainly be to each of us regardless of family status.
1. One way family members can bless one another is through meaningful touch. When Isaac blessed Jacob in Genesis 27, this rugged outdoorsman hugged and kissed his 40 year old son before pronouncing his blessing. Touch. That same kind of meaningful, appropriate touch runs from Genesis through the Bible. Jesus touched the lepers and held those squirming children on his lap.
Nothing is more meaningful than the hugs from Kathy and my children. Indeed nothing is more meaningful than the hugs I receive from many of you. I recall a different kind of touch from my mother years ago. My sister and I had some kind of argument and Mama had had it “up to here.” She sent us both to bed with steam coming out of her ears as well as a well placed hand on my bottom. After a while she came to my room, still hot. She said to me, “you want some more?” Well, it was a chilly night, I thought she meant cover so I said, “sure.” In a flash she threw back the sheet and let me have some more. I listened more closely after that. That touch wasn’t particularly meaningful.
A study done at UCLA has shown that just to maintain emotional and physical health, most men and women need 8 to 10 meaningful touches a day. And yet it doesn’t happen. Husbands, if you want to starve your wives emotionally, never touch them unless it’s during sex. If you want to starve your children emotionally, never hug and kiss them appropriately. But if you want to bless and affirm them, touch in meaningful ways.
2. Spoken words are another way we bless one another. In the scripture this morning, the blessing was a verbal blessing. Read Isaac’s blessing in Genesis 27:28. Even Jesus needed spoken words of encouragement. At his baptism, Jesus heard the words from His father, “This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased.”
A teenager had an obvious birthmark over much of his face. But it didn’t seem to bother him. He related well to others and was well liked. He seemed almost oblivious to it. Finally a curious soul asked him about it, “Are you aware that you have a large birthmark on your face?” “Of course I am.” “How come it doesn’t bother you?” The young man smiled and said, “When I was very young, my father started telling me that my birthmark was there for two reasons, one, it was where the angel kissed me and two, the angel had done that so my father could always find me easily in a crowd. My dad told me this so many times I actually began to feel sorry for kids who hadn’t been kissed by the angel like I was.” (“What Kids Need Most in a Dad,” p. 75 – Tim Hansel) That’s the power of spoken words. Proverbs 18:21, “The tongue has the power of life and death.” Words can kill or they can give life, delivering the kiss of angels and the blessing of a dad.
3. Expressing high value is another way of blessing someone. To bless someone means literally to “bow the knee.” That doesn’t mean in order to bless a person we must bow down, fall on our knees and be in awe. It does mean that words of blessing should carry with them the recognition that this person is valuable and has redeeming qualities. Any time we bless someone, we are attaching high value to him or her.
There are a lot of ways to help people feel valuable. God did it when he changed Jacob’s name to Israel. Israel means “God rules.” With God with him, Israel was a new man.
Who among us doesn’t need to feel valuable? Children need to know they are valuable first and foremost in the eyes and hearts of their parents. That value is bestowed through words, deeds, love, encouragement, time. Those same gifts need to be given to husbands and wives.
4. Still another way to bless members of our family is to picture a special future for them. The Lord did that for Jacob when he told Jacob that his descendents would cover the earth. (27:29) That is a bright future. Children will rarely ever rise above the future parents picture for them. As parents, we cannot predict another person’s future with biblical accuracy, but we can encourage and help them set meaningful goals. My prayer for these parents that have dedicated their children is that they provide for their children a blessing that pictures a special future for them. If we remind our children they are one of a kind, that God has a special plan for their lives and that we’ll be there for them no matter what as they attempt to be all they are created to be.
Does the name Derek Redmond mean anything to you? It probably doesn’t. But if I mention the 1992 summer Olympics you may remember a scene that involved Derek Redmond. Ironically most of us will not remember that Steve Lewis from the United States won the 400 meter in a time of 44.5 seconds, but they will remember how Derek Redmond lost.
Redmond went to Barcelona as the British record holder in the 400 meters. He had missed the 88 games because of Achilles tendon problems. In Barcelona he was ready. He came out of the blocks at the sound of the gun. He stayed in stride with all the other runners. After 160 meters he heard something pop in his right ham string. He began to slow down and disappeared from the TV screen and knelt down as if in prayer.
After the cheering stopped for Steve Lewis, there was a hush over the crown when the focused turned to Derek Redmond. They saw him hopping on one leg and dragging another on the way to the finish line. And the cheering began again as Redmond pulled himself along. The crowd clapped him on.
Finally his father, Jim Redmond, ran to this son’s side. It was a sight to see as these two walked together, father consoling son and then Derek stopped and buried his tearful eyes in his dad’s shoulders.
He looked up and pointed to the finish line. And his father put his arm around his son and together, together they headed for the finish line. He made it to the finish because his father did not abandon him when he needed him the most. His blessing was incredibly evident.
Our children are running the race of their lives. Will they have the support they need from their parents and even church family to reach the finish line? I have a deep concern of whether or not the generations coming after us will even have faith. If we do not live, share it, model it, faith it, live it, then the race may not be run at all. Will they have the same kind of Spirit that God poured out on His people at Pentecost --- a Spirit alive that will become a blessing to generations to follow? O Spirit, rain down and let us be showers of blessings.
Prayer:
Lord, we thank you for the gift of family. We place them into Your care and keeping. O God of Pentecost, call forth Your Spirit into our lives and into their lives. Holy Spirit, rain down upon us and give us all the grace to be a truly spirit filled people that we might be channels of blessing to all who come after us for we pray in Jesus' name, amen.
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